Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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