Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
