Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was CRYING into my vagina
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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