Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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