After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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