Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
