the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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