I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
