I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
