it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
