We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
