Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
