I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
