my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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