So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
