Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
