That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just found puke in my bra..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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