So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
