Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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