you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize