You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
