I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
