I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
