we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
