Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
