He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
