found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
