I cannot find my penis.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
