I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
