handjob tips. give me some.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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