She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
