Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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