I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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