i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ketchup is God's man juice
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
