We won't sleep together?
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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