just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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