How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
