Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
