just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
