You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
