Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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