well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just tell him i said nine months
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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