Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
