their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
