I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
