I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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