uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
