she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
