Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
