You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
