there's paper in my vomit.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
