I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
