well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
