I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
