is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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