Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
