So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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