My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
