why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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