I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
