I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
