You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
