After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
