Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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