Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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