Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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