Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
