So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
