okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
