i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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