From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
