you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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